Lunch

by BLOODY IDIOT

GREETINGS Footy Heads.

It's almost over, it's going to be close, it's going to be a bloodbath, and at our house it's going to be...

GOURMET.

As your correspondent in Melbourne (the "Athens of the South") it's my duty to give you all a few tips on the day you should never be...

HUNGRY.

Have decided to cook something special? Go to the market early because it's Melbourne's ultimate BBQ day of the year. Smoke laces the horizon, asthmatics should beware, drunk drivers hide, single people rejoice, party animals get prepared, footies are inflated and often a quiet half-time kick to kick can end in...

TEARS.

I suggest a shrink-packed fillet from Gippsland. It is an expensive and gigantic slab of cow, but it's grand final day, so what the hell! Firstly, ice the beer. Secondly, tie the fillet so it maintains its shape, cook said fillet on a very hot, preheated BBQ for approximately eight minutes per side. After the meat has been on the grill for 16 to 20 minutes, remove it, wrap it in foil and let the meat...

REST.

Change from beer to wine, finish garnishing the salad, tell a few lies, roll a hot one, introduce your single friends, turn off the stereo, and turn on the television, After 20 minutes unwrap and carve the said fillet into steaks. Get ready to get...

JUICY.

With lunch on the table and plenty of pregame lubrication it's now time to enjoy a truly unisex football experience. If children are present please refrain from non-standard English. If a casual friend does not appreciate the Great Game, ignore them. Hopefully you are not experiencing too much reflection on the television screen. Never fear, it can be rectified, for today, you are surrounded by...

EXPERTS.

I love your faces.

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