BLUES REALITY CHECK

by Little Boy Blue

UNLIKE Bloody Idiot, whose Richmond optimism is amazing (given the past twenty years) and the correspondent on the official Carlton website, expected to put a silver lining on even the most threatening cumulo-nimbus, I don't own a pair of rose-coloured glasses. How's that for a metaphor-laden intro?

Of its most recent nine games in which the margin was less than two goals, Carlton's loss to Hawthorn on Sunday was its eighth. While some may see this as eight cases of bad luck and one of good, what we really have here, readers, as any social scientist will tell you, is a PATTERN. Quite simply, Carlton have become hopeless in close games. They lack the capacity to close down a match and defend a lead and they lack the ability to come from behind and take the lead. Amazingly, they have lost twice in twelve months from an after the siren goal. If you're playing Carlton in a close match, you will win (unless you're Fremantle).

Time after time in these close matches, Carlton players make the dumb choice and take the crazy option. And this is not restricted to young players just learning the game either. If there is such a thing as a Carlton brains trust, it's probably a case of false advertising. Brittain has been around the place long enough not to qualify as a genuine rookie coach; Worsfold was tough, but doesn't strike me as an intellectual and Kernahan was a great player. Ditto Williams. As for Ross Lyon, I saw him play and his sudden conversion to the cause of rugged football could only be described as ironical. What are these turkeys doing to address this failure in the close ones, or for that matter, the now routine inaccuracy in shooting for goal?

Perhaps the lack of height, on which I have commented before on this site, is an issue here. The old cliche about tall players not getting any shorter as everyone gets tired, is true, and of more than passing importance in the last ten minutes of a game. Certainly, a tall with a decent fist would have been handy near Ben Dixon on Sunday. Now that it never rains in Melbourne, talls are vital.

Of Carlton's remaining games, two seem likely losses (Essendon and Adelaide), Collingwood is maybe fifty-fifty (depends on who's fit), St Kilda and Geelong are probable wins. Anyway, that doesn't add up to a place in the top four which means the end of any credible premiership threat. It probably means scraping into the eight and a fairly hasty exit.

Carlton have managed one premiership in the past fifteen years which is a massive case of under-achievement. It's time to stop the bullshit and excuses and get some genuine accountability, from the president down. And, recruiters please note- don't get anyone under six foot four (bugger metrics) in the draft, we need height!

Main reason I'll be at the Essendon game on Sunday: to pay tribute to Craig Bradley playing his 350th- an absolute champion.

A final point. What is it about Australian men in their late 20s and early 30s that makes them think they're comedians and that everyone within a thirty metre radius (OK, some metrics) wants to hear their crap? Some blame the prevalence of ad-lib comedy and shows like The Panel, Roy and HG, etc. The comedian who actually writes jokes and crafts work is becoming an anachronism, but he/she is in no danger from the idiots behind and next to me on Sunday. If they seriously think "Vagina" is an amusing play on Franchina's name, they are worse than pathetic. I lasted till quarter time, then had to move. I guess there's at least one advantage of watching the game on TV.

australianrules.com.au

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