Let's stand for parliament

by DAMO SUZIKI

MY maiden speech was going to be a pearler, the best yet. It was going to cover the state of the nation - from health care to the VFL to power limits for motorbikes. It was 1983.

I had been put up as a candidate by the APTU - Australian Postal & Telecommunications Union (mail sorter division) and won a seat courtesy of preferences from Syd Negus ''No Probate" party.

Never worked out what probate meant.

I had typed a 47 page speech and had it proof read by the finest minds on the mailroom floor and in the attic of APTU headquarters in Stirling Street. It named the usual suspects before they were the usual suspects; tobacco companies; the unrestrained forces of global capital; Lang Hancock; Phil Oakey; Norm Gallagher; the big end of town; christians; the AMA, and dozens of others. But the real venom of course was reserved for the state of football. "Fairly shocking, madame deputy chair", I wrote, "nothin' short of a total ream out will fix that lot". I suggested the formation of an ALoF (Australian League of Football) the board of which (if indeed there would be a 'board') was to be directly elected by the football going public. None of this collegiate nonsense.

God help me, I was only 32.

When I got to my feet in the house I looked straight into the eyes of the big man himself, John.

Now these days Fraser has been rehabilitated somewhat in the public eye, becoming a darling of the soft left, but we here at this site remember him as the man who made promise breaking a regular and expected part of political life.

So, he fixed me with that baleful stare of his, reminiscent it is said of the that of Charles 'Sonny' Liston. I became flustered and dropped my notes and they scattered over the floor. I had to wing it. "Madame deputy chair", I addressed the speaker, "there is a monstrous blight facing this great land of hours, and his name is Malcolm".

Fraser looked like he didn't know whether to be perplexed or pissed off. I though it rather a clever little joke in the circumstances, alas the voters didn't think so one year later.

Now we are in a very similar situation to 1983, why there is even a 'John Howard' in the current government. There will be a change of government but I'm not sure that there is any party or candidate willing to stand up for what is needed.

Les Everett is the man for the times but he has an extensive criminal background that, if it came out, might derail his chances (though there is a school of thought that it would enhance his prospects).

What we need is a string of like-minded candidates, and in these days of preferences going all over the place, one only needs a small percentage of the vote, particularly in the senate. I propose that we use this site to come up with a common platform, and I will offer the first suggestion - scrap the push in the back rule. Suggestions welcome.

Editor's note: Interesting thoughts Damo but you need to watch a bit more football. The push in the back rule has gone the way the drop kick.

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