Any Port in a storm

by LITTLE BOY BLUE

ON Sunday, I attended my first match at Football Park for 10 years. I had been warned that the Port Adelaide supporter was a combination of the worst of Collingwood, Richmond and Essendon. But, apologies to the supporters of those fine clubs. The Port loony is in a league of his own. Mind you, by the end of the match, the Port nutters probably wished they were in a different league to the AFL. A trip to Adelaide remains the toughest journey for the Blues and the win was full of merit.

Back to the Port fans. Have so many people in tracksuits ever assembled in the one place at the one time? I think Seinfeld got that one right: if you venture too far out of the house in trakkies, you've essentially given up on life. On the bright side, I saw no moccasins, but I was advised by a fashion expert that socks and thongs are an occasional option amongst the Port intellectuals.

Homophobia was rife, suggesting that the Labor MP for Port Adelaide might invest in a few re-education camps for his electorate instead of wasting Parliament's time attacking John Elliott over his comments on SA football. OK, every club has its share of poofter-bashers, but when such bile spews forth from the mouth of a guy in a predominantly teal-coloured tracksuit, you're probably entering the doors of irony!

In the battle as to which ground has the noisiest crap when the game's not on, Football Park has taken a clear lead, with junk (I refuse to call it music) being inflicted on the punters right up to the instant of the bounce starting each quarter. And, the Wanganeen adulation was non-stop, with egomaniacal non-entities on the screen at every break waxing lyrical about his achievements. OK, he's a great player (even if most of his games were for Essendon), but this stuff should be dealt with before the guy runs out, after which the game/team takes over - there wasn't a non-stop Silvagni show on the MCG screen when he played his 300th.

Part of the Wanganeen worship was a contest for the best "Wangers" banner among the crowd. Unfortunately, that abbreviation requires very precise enunciation or it can come out as something quite unflattering. Sadly, the MC wasn't up to the task and the award was duly made to the best "Wankers" banner. Memo to whoever: stick with "Gav"!

As the crowd poured out, Port's solitary Mensa member, now incapable of a credible critique of the winning team, started bagging the Carlton song because it was "'too old". And this from a club that's supposed to be all about tradition - give me a break.

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