Player speak

by BLOODY IDIOT

GREETINGS Freaks, here is a little bit of inside info for you all. It's a translation of "Player-Speak".

"Look, we had our backs to the wall this week, we stuck to our game plan, and it paid off with a win" Translation: It was a fluke.

"The boys have been training hard for this one". Translation: We have been asked to stop haunting the local cafes until after the match.

"Look; we have to treat every game like a final". Translation: We are on the bottom half of the ladder, half way through the season and looking done.

"We are team building". Translation: We are shithouse.

"I was fresh after a game in the reserves". Translation: I have sobered up.

"I grew up supporting Essendon, but I really like the club culture down at Punt road". Translation: I am a hack and they were the only team that would have me.

"We have to go out there and start to enjoy our footy again". Translation: We forgot the average player salary is 130K.

"We are well prepared for this game and you may see a few changes". Translation: I have no idea what the coaching staff has in store for us and if I did I wouldn't tell you in an interview.

"He's a great player who's off his game". Translation: He has been caught sleeping with the wrong person and is shit scared, especially if the media get hold of the story. This may also mean the player's sexuality is under scrutiny.

"They have a lot of run in the team". Translation: They are young skilful and hungry.

"We have to address our third term fade-out". Translation: There are too many old players in the team.

"The coaching staff had a word to me at the start of the season". Translation: cheaper and younger players may force me into early retirement.

"Most teams are pretty even this season". Translation: I have very little media experience so I will give a boring and robotic answer to your question.

Onwards and upwards Footy Heads, yours in constant prayer, Bloody Idiot.

Editor's translation: He's from Tigerland.

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