Two tribes

by LITTLE BOY BLUE

AT two o'clock last Saturday afternoon, the Brisbane line-up looked pretty impressive, at least to this notoriously pessimistic Carlton supporter. The names were all familiar and there didn't seem a dud among them. Three hours later, it was hard to pick a player in the Brisbane colours who hadn't played like a dud.

Obviously, Brisbane don't travel that well, but the game served to remind me that there are essentially two groups in the AFL: those teams with a realistic chance of ever winning a premiership and who play to that end, and the rest.

Brisbane, having promised much and delivered little in recent years, are making a good case to be included in the latter. And, if it's true that lack of a home town football culture adds to the problems, then Sydney are likely to stay as success-deprived as the Lions.

Mind you, it is equally clear that a number of Victorian teams are there just to make up the (excessive) numbers. Do Geelong or Bulldogs supporters really think at the start of the season that they have any chance of winning the flag? If so, I'll have a kilo of what they're on. As for St Kilda supporters, they had their fluke of a chance a few years ago: sorry folks, that's it for another 100 years. Did the St Kilda moron abusing Craig Bradley recently realise that Bradley has played in twice as many premierships as the whole St Kilda club? Isn't that embarrassing, you hack?

Essentially, we have a number of clubs whose supporters expect premiership success and whose coaches are appointed and unappointed on that basis. Then, we have the rest whose supporters go along for a nice social outing, meet their equally deprived friends and go home. Their coaches survive if they win a few games, raise some expectations and convince their boards that finishing third for a few years is success.

This can't go on. I propose two possible solutions. The first is to divide the clubs into two divisions. The first would comprise clubs with the culture and modern history which make a premiership a realistic aspiration. The second are the rest. Thus, the divisions would be:

Division A: Adelaide, Carlton, Collingwood, Essendon, Hawthorn, Port Adelaide, Kangaroos, West Coast.

Division B: Brisbane, Fremantle, Geelong, Melbourne, Richmond, St Kilda, Sydney, Western Bulldogs.

OK, Collingwood was a line ball choice, but I needed an eighth team, and Fremantle's place in B is dependent on not merging with Peel Thunder: otherwise, they start a new C division. Top team in A plays top team in B in the grand final and maybe one day, just maybe, a dud team could win a flag.

The other solution to this two tribes problem is to cull the weaker tribe. Accordingly, I propose the Subiaco solution. Dear old Subi went 49 years without a flag, but finally cracked it in year 50. Any team which cannot win a flag at least every 50 years has got to go. So, sorry Brisbane and Sydney, if you really are the "successors-at-law" to Fitzroy and South Melbourne respectively, you're gone. And Doggies, start preparing that last run-through for 2004!

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